Modern Romance: Chapter Five

Originally I was going to write a part two to my chapter four post about the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, but everything I wanted to write about the second half of the chapter were all points that I felt that I touched on in my part one post and I didn’t see a need to rehash them. So I’m just going to move on to chapter five. This one is a doozy, so buckle up.

This chapter talks about dating in other countries. Aziz and some of his super smart socialist friends took a trip to Tokyo, Japan as well as Buenos Aires, Argentina to look into the dating culture in these cities. Obviously he chose somewhere in Japan so that he could gorge himself on ramen and sushi which is exactly why I would choose Tokyo as well.


Kind of.

Aziz chose Tokyo because there is a huge crisis going on over there right now. Due to the younger generation’s lack of interest in sex, the government is ridiculously worried about Japan’s declining population. At the time this book was published, Japan was 222 out of 224 countries for birthrate. Yikes. I can see why the government would be a little bit concerned, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Right now I want to focus on the first point I made.

The younger generation in Tokyo has a complete lack on interest in sex. In fact, in a 2013 study that was done, 45% of women and 25% of men in Japan (ages 16-25) said they “despise sex.”

Despise sex?

I mean, I understand not being in the mood all of the time (Just kidding. I don’t understand that either.) but to say that you despise sex?

Me: …

Me: …

Me: …

I know exactly what you guys are thinking and I am here to tell you that I cannot comprehend that either. Not even a little bit.

Not only are the younger generations not interested in sex, they’re not all that interested in marriage either. In 1987, 49% of men were single and 39% of women were single. Those statistics have sky rocketed to 61% of men are still single and 49% of women are still single. One third of men and women 30 and under have never even dated anyone. Not that there is anything wrong with choosing not to date, but can you imagine being 30 years old and still never having your first date? That is such a foreign concept to our culture. I mean, I’m sure my parents would love it if I would have minded my business until I was 30, but I was chomping at the bit before I was even 16 years old to date. Sorry for all he numbers and statistics, but my jaw literally fell to the floor when I read and researched these.

The term used in Japan for men that are not only uninterested in sex, but dating all together is a Herbivore Man. You guys… 60% of men in their 20’s and 30’s in Tokyo describe themselves as Herbivore Men.


These poor women. As if it isn’t difficult enough to date, all of the single men out there are then cut into an even smaller statistic simply because they just don’t feel like dating or touching a woman.  What this statistic means is that if they lined up 10 single men for you to choose from, you would really only have four men to choose from. Ten men is not a lot of men, but I’m sure you could find some nice men to at least attempt a first date with. BUT WAIT! SIX out of those TEN men are too lazy or uninterested in women to want to date or touch you, so they’re going to go ahead and remove those six men. That leaves you with four men to choose from. That’s right. Four men. If we’re playing with these kinds of statistics, I might as well have married one of the three guys who grew up in a five mile radius of my house. At least they were all hot and might have wanted to have sex with me. *shrugs* As a single woman trying to navigate through the dating world in hopes to someday find my own happily ever after, all I can say is that this is complete bullshit if you ask me.

In Japan, if a guy approaches a woman at a club, he is called a “charai” which means he is a sleazy, playboy type. In America, I think it is safe to say our “charai’s” are known as f**kboys. However, I hate that term so I’m bringing the word Charai to America because I think it sounds so much more eloquent, don’t you? Okay, let’s rewind for a second. So a guy approaching a girl in a club to tell her she is beautiful and he would like to get to know her would be considered sleazy in their culture? Can you imagine the horror the Japanese culture would feel if they knew the ridiculous amount of unsolicited dick pictures we as single women receive before even meeting a man in person? They’d probably be almost as surprised as I was to learn that not only is it considered sleazy for a man to approach a woman in Japan, but even if they did approach a woman and she responds in a positive manner, they would think she’s a a floozy. Can you imagine?

Man: You look lovely tonight.

Woman: **He talked to me in a bar. He must be a charai, but he’s cute so I’m going to accept the compliment**

Woman: Thank you.

Man: **She responded. She’s a floozy. Abort mission immediately**

No wonder the dating culture is going down the drain over in Japan.

Also, in the Japanese culture, they think that putting a selfie as their profile photo on a dating website is narcissistic. They prefer to put pictures of their cats or rice cookers instead (Not kidding). At first, I didn’t understand this, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I could totally hop on board with this one. I’d rather look at pictures of a bunch of cute dogs than random men. This thought process would also allow me to put a picture I took of my favorite queso dip as my dating profile picture. To be honest, I’ve kind of been waiting a long time to find the perfect use for that particular picture. Way to go on this one, Japan. I’m totally hopping on this bandwagon.

The government is so concerned about this lack of marriage and sex epidemic, that they have actually funded a $25 million dollar budget to aid programs that help the younger generations meet each other. They hold mixers and pay restaurants $25-$35 per seat to let younger people hang out there. I would kill to have this here in America. Not only do you get to go mingle with your friends, but you could potentially meet some hotties along the way? Come on! This is fantastic.

I’m sure you’re wondering how certain physical as well as emotional needs are met in Japan since there is such a lack in the sexual as well as dating culture there and I’m going to go ahead and tell you about a few solutions they have come up with. First of all, they have Cuddle Cafes. In these cafes you literally pay someone to cuddle with you with no sexual contact for as little or as long as you want. I personally think this is a brilliant idea. Except instead of cuddling with men, let’s do it with puppies. Any investors want to back this idea in America? Anyone? Well, I’m here if anyone wants to collaborate with me on this one. Japan also has what they call Host and Hostess clubs. The men and women who work in these clubs will sit with you and talk to you for as long as you would like. There is absolutely no sexual contact in these clubs either. It is strictly a place that men and woman can get the emotional attention they feel that they are lacking in their life. In these clubs they are catered to by having their cigarettes lit, attentive conversation, as well as singing karaoke with their host. It isn’t uncommon for a group of married men to hit up the Hostess Clubs on their way home from work. You know, kind of like it’s no big deal for us Las Vegans to swing by the strip club for a quick lap dance before picking up our kids from school.


Kind of. 😉

Since prostitution is illegal in Japan, the Japanese have come up with a much more enticing solution for physical touch at a place called Soapland. The concept behind Soapland is that they take a waterproof mattress, strip their clothes off, pour soapy water all over the man, wash him, and then slide all over each other’s naked bodies… but again, with no sexual contact. I’m all for this idea. It sounds like a blast. In fact, when I’m in a relationship, this is pretty much what a typical Tuesday night looks like for us at my house.

Not kidding. 😉

We are so accustom to the dating culture in America that we forget to think about how different it is in other countries. While Japan is widely known for lacking intimacy, Buenos Aires is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum and is known for oozing sexuality.

I want to start off by saying that I never, ever want to hear an American man say that American women play games because no one plays games like Argentinean woman do. I was fascinated to learn that in Buenos Aires, when a woman says “no” it is simply a “prelude to yes.” In America, no means no. End of story. If you don’t accept no for an answer in America, you might end up with a few criminal charges. In Buenos Aires, if a woman is not interested in a man, she simply ignores him completely. If she is into him, she will say no several times and play hard to get and then eventually give in and say yes. The women said that if they say yes to a man too quickly, they fear they will appear “easy.” The men will literally beg for women and tell them they love them the first night just to get them to say yes to a date… or whatever else they’re searching for. In fact, there’s a phrase they use down there that translates to “Lie to me because I like it.” I thought the Japanese dating culture was confusing, but I was even more confused with the dating culture in Buenos Aires.

In Buenos Aires, they compare dating to a BBQ. You have to constantly have your “main meat” on the grill, but then you always have other meats grilling at the same time for backup just in case anything goes wrong with their main meat.

Wait. What?

I mean, I guess as long as I’m the main meat, I’m alright with this concept. I’m just not trying to be the backup, side meat. You feel me on that one?

I guess this concept isn’t completely foreign in America because it isn’t unusual for men or women to have people they keep around. What is different is the fact that that in Buenos Aires, they sleep with all of their side meats and it is accepted by everyone because everyone is doing it. The men that women casually sleep with while they are in relationships are called “chongos.” In Buenos Aires, they even have hotels called “telos” to help embrace their sexual culture where people can rent rooms by the hour. Even if someone is in a relationship and meets someone at the bar that they could potentially be interested in, they will give them their number without a second thought because they always need to keep their options open.

I can actually feel the Expedia search for Buenos Aires travel accommodations rising right now. Not only do they have an extremely open sexual culture, but the fact that Argentinean people are known to be some of the most beautiful people in the world doesn’t hurt either.

Bottom line, don’t catch feelings in Japan because the men might not want anything to do with you emotionally or physically and don’t catch feelings in Buenos Aires because they’re just going to crush your soul by sleeping with other people behind your back in a hotel room that rents by the hour.


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