Ally in Wonderland

Have you ever been doing something (anything at all) paused, looked around and thought “What decisions have I made in my life that have brought me to this exact moment right here?”

That happens to me on a daily basis but recently I had one of those moments hit me pretty hard.

Several weeks ago I was reading through HUNDREDS of dating profiles on several different websites, scrolling through random internet solicitations on multiple free bulletins, and reading dozens of emails sent to me by my readers. After gathering the information, taking it all in, and collecting my thoughts, I couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with wonder on how the world of dating has evolved into what it is today. I felt like so many of the people on these online dating sites and online message boards are lost and confused. It seemed as if many of these people most likely don’t have anyone to talk to about things that are going on in their lives.

After thinking about all of the information I volunterely sought after, I felt unsettled. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. Later that evening, as I was sorting through all of the information i had taken in, it sparked a (maybe not-so) brilliant idea in my blonde bobble head.

I decided that I was going to start my own little (not-so) secret social experiment. Over the past several weeks, my (maybe not-so) brilliant idea has spiraled out of control and has taken a completely different route than I expected. Since I am absolutely insane, I’m going to go ahead and run with it.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote an anonymous ad and I threw it out into the colossal internet universe.

I want to preface this by stating that I was sure to inform everyone that I was not qualified AT ALL to give advice or answer questions, but if they wanted answers to any questions from my personal opinion or possibly just an ear to listen to them vent, I would be around. Someday, in somewhere between 7-17 years, I will actually be Dr. Ally (What? Like it’s hard?) and I will no longer have to preface EVERY SINGLE THING I say with ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about because I don’t know anything.” because I will indeed know many things and that my friends, will be a beautiful day. I have a lengthy and difficult road ahead, but I can do it. I’ve spent the past decade messing around, but I think its about time I got serious with my life and hey… if all else fails, I can always just be a stripper. I mean, I do live in Vegas and women are just sexualized objects that aren’t good for anything except making sandwiches.

Anyway… My post that I threw out into the world wide web was pretty basic and lame. It really wasn’t an impressive or intriguing post at all.

I set up an anonymous email terminal where my email as well as any responses I received would be anonymous. Then I sat back and waited for replies…. but not for very long. Within an hour, my email was FLOODED with emails from both men and women asking my advice on so many different topics. They were venting about issues in their lives and some people were just looking for someone to chat with. I had no clue that there would be so many people willing to ask for advice or wanting to vent to a complete stranger that had absolutely no qualifications to answer any of their questions or solve any of their problems. I refused to answer any questions about me and I did not ask any questions about them unless I needed to collect a little bit of background information to give them my opinion on anything they were asking me.

Today I am going to address one of the many situations I was presented with by a man I am going to call Ashton. Please accompany me on my journey down this social experiment rabbit hole that I had no idea I was spiraling down into.

Ashton responded to my anonymous ad by emailing me and telling me that he found out two weeks prior that his wife was cheating on him. He discovered some racy videos and text message conversations between his wife and another man but he had not confronted her about it yet. He shared with me that in his opinion, the man in the videos was much younger and better looking than he was. On top of feeling heartbroken and depressed, he was also feeling extremely insecure.

I want to preface what I’m going to say next by stating that I do not condone cheating in any way, shape, or form. I believe that if you aren’t ready to be faithful in a relationship or you no longer wish to be faithful to your partner then you should remove yourself from that relationship or remain single. Breakups and divorces are hard. Believe me… I know the feeling all too well. However feeling betrayed and looking like the village idiot because everyone knew about an affair your partner was having except you is far worse.

With that being said, I would like to state that happy people do not run out and cheat on their partner.

Did you hear me?

HAPPY PEOPLE DO NOT WAKE UP ONE DAY AND RUN OUT AND HAVE AN AFFAIR.

This is by no means an excuse or justification. Cheating is not okay… but happy people do not cheat. People cheat because they feel as if something is missing or lacking in their relationship.

Ashton asked me if as a woman I though that his wife left the videos in a place that he could find them because she wanted him to find out. I do not know them or their relationship, but I told him it was possible. I told him that maybe she didn’t care if he found out because she was tired of sneaking around. Maybe she left the videos for him to see as a desperate cry for attention. Maybe she wanted him to see those videos because she wanted to hurt him. Maybe she was feeling hurt by him for neglecting her and their relationship in general and she was hoping that seeing those videos would hurt him. Maybe she was sending him a message saying “If you don’t pay attention to me, other men will.” Or maybe she was just careless and left them out by mistake. Like I said… I don’t know. Any of those situations are possible.

Ashton admitted to being wrapped up with his work. Lately, he had neglected to make his wife feel like she was his number one priority. He started to place all of the blame on himself for the affair.

I told him that he cannot solely blame himself. They both had made mistakes along the way in their relationship to bring them to this place in their relationship and there are two options. They could either decided that they love each other and want to make the relationship work or they could call it quits. Only they could decide what the correct route was for them. I told him that I highly suggest seeing a couples counselor to guide them through this difficult time in their marriage to help them communicate their feelings and emotions.

On thing Ashton’s wife failed to realize is that there are ALWAYS consequences for our actions. I have personally learned this lesson time after time. Ashton’s wife having an affair broke his trust and that is something that is going to be extremely difficult for her to earn back no matter how hard she tries. Although I have never been in the same situation as Ashton, in a weird way, I could relate to many of the things he was saying. Poodle and I had more than our fair share of problems… believe me. However, there are two things that we got ridiculously right in our relationship and one of those things was trust. This was one of the most valuable lessons I learned from our relationship. Girls trip, guys trip, bachelor party, late nights out with friends… it didn’t matter. I knew without a doubt that Poodle would have never ever cheated on me and he knew I would never ever have cheated on him. Trust was always something that we agreed needed to be a priority in our relationship. This came fairly easy in our relationship because to me, Poodle was perfect. At the time, I couldn’t have drawn up a more perfect man if I tried. He gave me everything I could possibly want and need out of a partner. In a previous post I said that not even Kris Bryant or Adam Levine could have distracted me from Poodle and that was 150% true. No one on the face of this planet would have been worth losing Poodle over and more importantly no person or one night of fun was worth hurting him. I loved him. Not only did I not have the desire to cheat on him because he gave me everything I could possibly want or need, I don’t think I could have lived with myself knowing that I caused him that kind of pain. At the time, I was his safe place and he was mine. That is how things should be in a relationship, but I had never had that with anyone else before. I think you should feel that type of allegiance to your partner.

Women are crazy. I know this. You know this. We all know this. However, we as women are actually very easy to please. All we truly want is to feel appreciated and for our heart to feel safe. How we receive these things are different depending on our love language, but they all boil down to us wanting and needing the same thing. Appreciation and love. If you can provide a woman with those two things and she feels safe, I promise you that will solve approximately 97% of your communication and relationship issues. (That was a bullshit statistic that I completely made up, but you guys see my point.)

It takes two people to make a relationship work. If one person is not carrying their weight, that is when problems start to surface in relationships. Ashton needs to remember to make his wife a priority and his wife needs to learn how to communicate with him when she is feeling unappreciated as opposed to running out and having an affair. Having an open line of communication with your partner is so important. Being open to feedback, reading books, listening to one another, and even exploring couples therapy are all tools that you can use to help keep your relationship healthy as well as a priority to you both.

This is just one of hundreds of emails I received while on this little social experiment of mine. There are SO many good topics that I was gifted by anonymous strangers by posting this ad. Be sure to follow my blog to keep up with my posts as I continue my journey down the rabbit hole.

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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What girls are REALLY thinking about on a date.

Hi guys!

Here’s our next Swiped Out LV YouTube video. These are just a FEW of the things that might be going through a girl’s mind while she is on a date with you.

I have approximately 17 more college ruled pages of notes (front and back) of different thoughts that we as women have either had or might have in the future while on a date. If you guys like this video, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel. If you like it, maybe someday I’ll put some of my leftover notes to use and write a sequel to this video. Also, have no fear. I am already in the process of writing a script for “What guys are REALLY thinking about on a date.” Coming soon. 😉

I would also like to add that the caesar salad portion of this video was based on a true story. This exact scenario happened on a date that my brother Landon took his now wife Teeny (Please see my ‘The Master Negotiator’ post to learn more about my amazing sister-in-law) on. He took her out to a really nice steakhouse for dinner and she (very seriously) asked the waiter “What type of dressing comes on the caesar salad?” The waiter was beyond confused and replied… “Ummmmmmm…. that would be the caesar dressing ma’am.” She replied (again, very seriously) “Mmmm. That sounds great. I’ll have that.” Just another hilarious moment brought to us by my sister-in-law that she will never, ever live down.

Thank you guys for being patient with my lack of blogging while I learn the in’s and out’s of YouTube. It is NO JOKE you guys. Much respect for every single person who is pumping out videos or blogs because it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Between finding time to film, learning the basics of filming and editing, learning about AdWords, SEO, strategy, keyword finder, transcribing CC, I mean…. the list goes on and on… it has once again become difficult to find balance in my life. As always, thank you so much for the continued love and support! I appreciate it more than you know.

One of my upcoming blog posts is a post that has become another child to me because I have been working on it for over month now. This is also another reason I have slacked on the blog posts lately. This particular post has been very time consuming as well as emotionally draining but I can’t wait to tell you guys all about the social experiment/black hole/rabbit hole I accidentally spiraled down into. It’s pure gold.

Please watch our newest Swiped Out LV YouTube video below. I love to hear your feedback!

 

xoxox,

Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

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February 30th

Yes, you guys. I know that February 30th does to exist.

“February 30th” is what I call days that we think will never come.

I have had many “February 30th’s” in my life… things that were so heart breaking, sad, hurtful or horrific that I thought the day would would never come that I would not feel anything anymore.

However, for the most part, I have overcome most of the dreaded “February 30’s” in my life thus far.

One of the most critical things I have learned in the process of over coming my “February 30th’s” is that good advice is only good when you are ready for it.

So many of you write me to ask me about relationship and breakup advice. I want to preface this by stating that I am probably the least qualified person on the face of the earth to give anyone relationship advice, but I do think that people can learn from my romantic victories as well as my broken heart tragedies. We’ve all been through it, are going through it, or will go through it at some point in our life. However, in order to understand the things I am sharing with you in my blog, you must be ready, willing, and open to appreciate what I am telling you.

Two years ago, I had my therapist guiding me through my healing process and emotional journey. I had family and friends giving me advice from their different experiences in love and life. I read several amazing books and articles. I had guidance, love, and knowledge being thrown at me faster than the speed of light from hundreds of different angles.

But I wasn’t ready for any of it.

It didn’t matter what amazing advice and support was being offered to me. I needed to grieve, mourn, cry, and wallow in my pain, heartache, sadness, and sorrow at my own pace.

The day that I didn’t feel hurt, pain, and sadness from my breakup was just another day I didn’t think was possible. That day was just another “February 30th” for me. A day I thought would simply never come.

I took notes at every therapy session and I kept every book and article I read during my mourning process. Recently, I’ve gone back and reread and reviewed them all. Reading the same books and articles and reviewing the notes I took from the books and therapy had a completely different meaning in my life today the they did two years ago. I wasn’t mature enough or emotionally ready to process any of the information I was being given at the time but now I have an entirely different outlook on it. I can now appreciate and value every single thing that I was being told a couple of years ago because now I am ready to hear it. Day’s that I thought were just another “February 30th” (a day that would never come) for me have turned out to be more like a “May 1st” (a day that will always come) for me.

My point being, hang in there no matter what point you are at in your healing process. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes months. Sometimes it takes years.

It’s quite remarkable what a difference a year or two can make. I guess what they say is true, time does heal all wounds. Well, most of them at least.

I have come to realize that there are moments in our life that we will never, ever forget and might be “February 30’s” forever. Some may be only a couple of minutes. Some will be a day. Some may last a week. Some might carry on for an entire year.

I felt the need to write this post because this week is one of those weeks for me.

This is a week that still jolts me when it’s approaching. Things have certainly become easier over the years. Overall, I’m happy, content, and I carry on with my life as usual, but this week might always be one of the weeks that I never quite get over. Just another one of my “February 30th’s.” Then again, I have accepted and forgiven many things that I never thought I could, should, or would in this lifetime and I have ultimately found peace. Who knows.

This year, this week is still one of my “February 30th” moments, but maybe next year (or the next. Or the next) it simply won’t be anymore.

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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Ask Ally (Q and A: Week 10)

Hi guys!

Thank you so much to anyone who watched our pilot video for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel! My little brother did a great job editing. I was all over the place with that video. Luckily I have smartened up a little bit and started writing scripts and storyboards to sort my thoughts out. Hopefully the episodes will get better over time. 😉

Yesterday I learned that only a few people want to watch and listen to me ramble on for 6 minutes, but thousands of you will read my blog daily and I honestly don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to stare at my blonde bobble head rambling on either. lol

Thank you for the continued love and support. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Once again, you guys asked me questions that I am certainly not qualified to answer, but I went ahead and answered some of them anyway. Here is this weeks Q and A. Cheers!

Q: Do you actually go on dates?

A: This made me laugh out loud because it was so cute and innocent.

Yes. I do occasionally go on dates. 

My blog started out with me writing about a date that I went on a couple days before New Years Eve. My “date” walked out on me after approximately seven seconds because he didn’t think I looked like my photographs. After that, I wrote the blog entry “Sid” to vent because between my “date” and other things going on in my life, I had an awful week. At the time I didn’t actually think people would read my blog. As it turns out, people could relate to what I had been through and have continued to read my blog so I have continued to write.

After I realized this blog was going to be more than just one entry, I thought that it would only make sense to go back two years to right after my breakup with Poodle where my healing process and dating adventures began. Although I do occasionally go on dates now, I do not always write about them immediately. Sometimes I will write about a guy (like I did with Seaman) that I went on a date with, but the rest will come later. I am slowly going in chronological order from two years and working my way up to today.

Q: What do you really do for a living?

A: I work in marketing and I write a brazen blog for your reading enjoyment. 😉

Q: Have you ever thought that maybe the reason Poodle hates you, Sid walked out on your date and Seaman put you in the friend zone is because you’re fat?

A: *sigh*

1) To whoever wrote this question, you are rude and you have very bad manners.

2) I feel like the best way for me to respond to this mean question is with a short video clip:

​​​


Q: What do you have planned for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel?

A: I really don’t have anything set in stone. I write down ideas I have throughout the day, then I write scripts based on those ideas, and then I draw storyboards of scenes that I want to film and we go from there. We film a TON of material and whatever we think translates the best from my blonde bobble head to video is what we use.

I can tell you that I get the question “Why are you single?” or “What’s wrong with you?” every single week, several times a week for my Q and A. That inspired me to write a mini series for my channel called “Reasons I am single” where I will go through one by one and list the hundreds of things that are wrong with me and the reasons I am single. I also have a few short scripts I am working on right now about different dating topics such as “What girls are actually thinking while on a date.” I would also like to occasionally do a recorded Q and A because sometimes I feel like I can’t properly express my emotions through writing. Especially when I am answering your questions about my personal experiences and feelings. Those are just a few of my ideas. What I make videos on will predominantly be based on what videos you guys are watching on my channel vs which videos you aren’t watching… once I get more than one video posted, obviously. It’s simple statistics. 🙂

Q: How do I get on your drunk dial list, girl?

A: This question made me laugh out loud too.

Just send me your phone number. It’s as simple as that.

Nobody in my contact list is safe when I’m two (+) glasses of Malbec in!!! Muahahaha

That’s all I have for today! Feel free to follow this blog, subscribe to our YouTube channel, or click on any of the links below if you would like to follow me on social media!

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/AllysonStagg

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Blog: @SwipedOutLV

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Swiped Out LV YouTube Pilot

Hi guys.

Today is the launch of the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel and my debut as a video vixen! (Watch out Ariana Grande) I really hope you guys like our pilot episode because it took forever to create.

Really quickly I would like to give a huge shoutout to my little brother for being incredibly patient with me. No only did he follow me around for over a week and film hours of me ranting and acting like a total idiot, but he also filtered through all of the video footage to edit and create our pilot episode. Jace, you’re my favorite sibling this week.

Also a huge shoutout to my two adorable kids for being such good sports and letting me exploit them. They are professionals at humoring their beyond crazy mother. I love you guys.

Annnnnd a huge shoutout to Kyle (whom I don’t even know) for allowing me to randomly interrupt his game of frisbee golf with his friends so that I could fake break up with him and give him the “It’s not you. It’s me speech.” You the real MVP, Kyle.

I know that literally no one cares about me or anything that I have to say, but I went ahead and made a video anyway. So without further ado, here is the pilot episode for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel.

If you guys like the pilot episode, be sure to hit the “thumbs up” button and subscribe to my channel so that you will get notifications when I post new videos!

As always, thank you for all the love and support!!

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/AllysonStagg

Instagram:

Blog: @SwipedOutLV

Personal: @AllyStagg

Twitter: @SwipedOutLV

Email: SwipedOutLV@gmail.com