Hi guys! Here are answers to a few of the questions I have received over the last couple of weeks!
Q: Who is your celebrity crush?
A: I have so many.
Adam Levine, Kris Bryant, Zac Efron, Bryce Harper, and Andy Grammar are a few of my celebrity crushes.
Not that any of them would give me the time of day, but most of my celebrity crushes are either married or have girlfriends. We all know that I have my PhD in chasing men who will never love me back. It’s just what I do. So it makes perfect sense. *shrugs*
Q: Do your other siblings get mad when you say that Landon is your favorite sibling?
A: No way.
I don’t care what anyone says. If you have multiple siblings, you have a favorite sibling whether you want to admit it or not.
For fun, I thought it would be fun to ask all of my siblings who their favorite sibling is.
My sister Brittany said “Ugh. You’re all the worst.” Then she said “Probably Landon. Wait a minute. He ate my bag of Mounds chocolates when I was pregnant so never mind.”
Eight years ago, Landon secretly ate a bag of Mounds chocolates that my sister had with her over Easter weekend. She didn’t realize they were gone until after he had left. As soon as she realized they were gone she called Landon to ask him if he ate them. Do you want to know what Landon did? He denied touching the hormonal pregnant woman’s bag of chocolate and then he blamed it on his now wife, Teeny. (Mind you, this was Teeny’s first time meeting all of our extended family) Eight years later, my sister is still pissed about Landon eating her chocolate when she was pregnant. If that doesn’t show you my sisters level of pettiness, I don’t know what will.
When I asked Landon who his favorite sibling is he said “If I’m not your favorite then you’re not my favorite sibling. So whatever sibling says I am their favorite is my favorite too.” If that doesn’t show you Landon’s level of pettiness, I don’t know what will. I knew that Landon would never answer this question. He’s too even-keeled. Hence why he is my favorite sibling. (Except this week. All three of my siblings are on my shit list this week for not taking 2 minutes to write me a personal classified ad when I gave them 3 weeks to do so. If that doesn’t show you my level of pettiness, I don’t know what will.)
At first when I asked Jace this question a few weeks ago he said “You’re all my favorite. Depends on my mood. JK but for real you’re all my favorite. It just depends on the situation if that makes sense.” When I was talking to Jace yesterday, he said “You know what? I changed my mind. Brittany is my favorite sibling because she doesn’t bother me like the rest of you do.” Fair enough, Jace. Fair enough.
After that, I was curious to know who my siblings thought that our parents favorite child was.
Brittany said “Landon.”
Landon said “Ally.”
I said “Jace.”
Jace said “I don’t think that mom and dad have a favorite child I just know that they have a least favorite child and that is definitely me.” hahahahaha I’m laughing because it’s true. Jace is for sure the least favorite child. Kidding. Kind of.
I asked my parents who their favorite child was. Most parents would give you the “I love all my children the same garbage. NOPE! Not my parents. Without much hesitation Stacy (our mother) said “Jace” and here is the screenshot of that to prove it:
After asking my dad at least ten times, he finally said me. I always knew he had impeccable taste. Here’s the screenshot of that to prove it:
Suck it siblings! (If that last comment doesn’t show you my level of competitiveness, I don’t know what will.)
Q: What is the most valuable thing you have learned from therapy?
A: This is a tough question to answer because I have learned so much over the past two years. There are two things that came to my mind instantly because I think about both of them daily.
- Learning to forgive people without ever receiving an apology.
In life there are going to people who will do you wrong or who you feel have done you wrong. Sometimes people apologize and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are too prideful to apologize and sometimes they do not feel as if they have done anything wrong even if you feel as though they have. Holding onto resentment and anger towards someone doesn’t do you any good. It will just make you miserable and eat away at your soul. This applies to romantic relationships, friendships, as well as family members. Although it is nice to receive an apology, you’re not always going to get one. Sometimes it is hard to forgive people without receiving an apology, but letting go of that resentment and anger will bring you so much peace. I promise.
2. We do things until we can’t do them anymore.
It sounds so simple, but I think it is something we often forget.
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, when I was going through my breakup with Poodle, I would sit in my therapists office for a minimum of two hours a day for 3, 4, or even 5 days a week. I spent whatever amount of time and money necessary to keep my head above water and to keep myself breathing. The pain I experienced from that breakup was a pain so dark, real, and raw to me that there were times I honestly didn’t know how I was going to pull myself out of it.
What made it so difficult was that I still loved him. No matter how sad, mad, or hurt I felt, I was still in love with him. I remember it being one of the most confusing feelings that I have ever experienced. I felt so much hurt and pain but on the other hand I still cared so deeply about the person that I was going through those awful emotions with.
I knew that I loved Poodle when we were dating, but it wasn’t actually until AFTER our final break up that I realized exactly just how much I had really loved him. For the first time in my life I could finally grasp how people in long term relationships and marriages could go through such horrendous trials in their relationship and somehow find the strength to work through those trials together. Couples go through horrible things all the time. Outside looking in, to many people, it doesn’t make sense that some couples are able to work through those trials. I have learned that sometimes things that go on between two people in a relationship are so sacred, different, and special that they could never possibly be explained or expressed in words to anyone else on the face of this earth. Sometimes things will only be understood between those two people no matter how absolutely insane it may seem to anyone else.
Although two years ago was our final breakup, Poodle and I had definitely played the breakup game several times before. I take responsibility for most of those breakups. I was nowhere near mature enough to understand, comprehend, or handle the feelings or emotions I felt for Poodle. I had never felt as strongly for anyone as I did for Poodle and it was so confusing. I didn’t even know what I was feeling. When I ran into Poodle at a blackjack table, I had just removed myself from a ridiculously tumultuous relationship. Poodle and I were already distant acquaintances and we sparked each others interest a little bit that night, but neither of us took each other seriously or thought much about the other person. To be very honest with all of you… Poodle was supposed to be a one night stand. To say that I was blindsided and unprepared for what transpired between Poodle and I would most certainly be the understatement of my lifetime. That was what made this break up so different and difficult for me. I had never been in love with anyone before.
Fast forward two years later to me sitting on the floor of my therapists office (I don’t know why I chose the floor. She has a couch. That’s what an absolute train wreck I was I guess) I was sobbing uncontrollably and pleading with my therapist for answers. I needed to know when enough was going to be enough between Poodle and I. How many times were we going to rip each others hearts out and tap dance all over them and then go on with our lives pretending the other person didn’t exist? Why could I not let him go? Why could I not stop thinking about him? Why could I not get over him so that I could move on with my life? Why did I have no shame when it came to him? Why would I call and text him as many times as I felt necessary even though I would never get a response? Why was moving on so hard? How long was I going to feel this pain? How many times was I going to make a complete fool of myself? I was desperate for answers. I was begging my therapist to say some magic words that would make my pain go away or at least give me an inkling of hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel. After I rattled off my 20 questions, she looked at me and said “We do things until we can’t do them anymore.” I remember looking at her thinking “THAT’S IT? I’m pouring my heart and soul out and that’s all you’ve got?!? What a bullshit answer.”
Fast forward another two years and one swiped out blog later, I finally understand what my therapist meant. I am sure it pained her to watch me cry for hours on end and beg her for answers, but she couldn’t give them to me. Just like sometimes I can’t give you guys answers to your questions. When you guys write me telling me that you’re going through something similar to what I went through, it breaks my heart because to read because I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could give you answers to your questions, but unfortunately, I can’t. All I can tell you is we do things until we can’t do them anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you guys how many times I have made a fool of myself to Poodle or how many times we have hurt each other, but I can confidently tell you that it was all worth it. As crazy as that probably sounds to someone going through a heart break, it’s true. I don’t regret one second we spent with each other. I don’t regret one sober or drunk phone call or text message that I ever sent him… even the hundreds that went unanswered. I don’t regret self sabotaging almost two years of my dating life because I was still mourning the loss of Poodle and Ally. It has taught me so much about myself and it has also showed me the capacity that I am capable of loving someone. I didn’t even know that it was possible for me to love someone as much as I loved Poodle and I didn’t have any idea that I was a strong enough woman to overcome the level of heartache that I did. To anyone else in the world, I’m sure that it doesn’t make sense, but I had to do things until I couldn’t do them anymore. I was on my time and it is okay to be on your time as well. Never apologize for feeling emotions for as long as you need to feel them. I can’t give you any answers on how to mourn or how long it will take for you to feel better because we all have different timelines. However, I can promise you that no matter how dark it may seem right now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there someday. It took me almost two years to pull myself out of the darkness that I was in, accept the past, and be ready to embrace my future, but I got there. Poodle and I did things until we couldn’t do them anymore.
Someone sent me a question last week that said “How did you know when you were over your ex?” I wasn’t sure exactly what this meant or how to answer it, so I wasn’t going to answer it. However, since I went on this rant I will answer it to the best of my ability. I personally don’t think you ever “get over” an ex. I think that you simply come to a place where you are at peace with the past. You realize that things were not meant to be and you genuinely want happiness for both yourself and the other person. You understand that you are never going to be able to provide the type of happiness the other person wants, needs, and deserves. I believe that you will always miss someone… You just miss them differently than you used to. Poodle and I had a lot of rough times, but we also had a few good memories sprinkled in there too. I still miss the friendship that Poodle and I had (Well, that and one other thing *smirk*) and I think that will always be something a small part of me will miss. It’s just a different type of “miss.”
Q: Do you have any tattoos?
A: No I do not. Skin is in. hahaha
I really like tattoos on other people, but they have never been anything I personally desired.
Except the one time I almost got Poodle’s name tattooed on my neck. Kidding 😉
Q: Do any of the guys you date or have dated read your blog?
A: No. I really don’t think so.
I honestly think that the only person that I have gone on a date with, have dated, or wrote about who even knows that my blog exists, is Seaman.
After Seaman and I had been texting for a while, he asked me if he could add me on Facebook. I told him yes, but before he added me I told him that I write a dating blog. I told him that everything is anonymous and that I only had nice things to say about him, but I’m almost certain he doesn’t read it.
No one else that I have dated or wrote about would have any way of knowing about my blog. If any of them do know about it, I’m positive that my blog is much too lengthy and my opinion is completely irrelevant for any of them to care about enough to waste their time reading it anyway.
That’s all I have for today. See you guys later!
PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉