Leading Las Vegas with Danielle Ford

Hi guys. I know it has been a while since I blogged, but please believe the dating struggle is still very real for me.

I had the pleasure of filming a segment for Leading Las Vegas with my gorgeous and talented long time friend, Danielle Ford. You can check out this brilliant video marketing strategist’s websites at:

http://www.DanielleFord.com/

http://Funnelin5.com/

Or follow her on all forms of social media at:

@DanielleFordLV

Check out our chat about my online dating adventures in Las Vegas below.

 

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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Ask Ally (Q and A week 11)

Hi guys! Once again you guys asked me questions that I am probably not qualified to answer, buuuuut I went ahead and answered them anyway.

Q: Why do you take all of the blame for your past relationships ending?

A: Awww man. Is that really what you have taken away from reading my blog?

I do not take all of the blame for my past relationships failing. I, as well as my partners, have all made mistakes in the past that lead to the demise of our relationships.

Okay. Hold on.

I want to clear something up. This blog isn’t coming from a scorned ex girlfriend who is publicly bashing her ex boyfriends and pointing out all of their flaws. This blog is about my journey, my mistakes, and my victories from my point of view. I can only write about lessons I have learned and things I have done correctly and the things I have done incorrectly in my past relationships. I have absolutely no business saying what things my exes have done correctly or incorrectly. I am not the relationship God. I have no place to publicly criticize any of them for things they have done in the past nor would I ever dream of doing that. It wouldn’t do anyone any good.

At the end of the day, I don’t like to focus on the negative aspects of my past relationships. It’s much more fun to remember the good things that happened and the good memories that we made. I only reflect back on the negative aspects of my past relationships to pull emotion out when I am writing certain blog posts. Other than that, I stay far away from those dark memories. It is more important for me to focus on the lessons that I have learned through the things I did correctly as well as the mistakes that I made so that I am able to grow from them and share what I have learned with you guys.

Q: Which Mexican restaurant in Las Vegas has the best queso?

A: From my experience (and I have a lot of it) Nacho Daddy and Casa Don Juan… but if you guys have any suggestions, I’m always up to try some queso!

Q: If you could take a DNA compatibility test with anyone in the world, who would it be?

A: Good question.

I actually think it would be really cool to take a DNA compatibility test with my two female best friends. Doctors can test the information gathered from the psychological exam and the DNA sample and analyze it to foresee not only romantic relationships, but the longevity of friendships. I think it would be very interesting to see what our DNA says about all three of us since our personalities are all very different, yet we get along so well.

If I could choose a stranger, I would choose Adam Levine because I would love to know what our HLA system results are and if our real love life would be as hot and steamy as it is in my dreams.

Kiddng.

Kinda. 😉

Q: If you were to get married again, what would your dream wedding be?

A: A bad ass combination of whatever my fiancé and I decided OUR dream wedding would be 🙂

Q: What do you feel was your over all #1 mistake in your failed past relationships?

A: Wow. Another great question.

I think my biggest mistake in all of my past relationships was not being self aware. I did not know myself, my wants, and my needs well enough to properly communicate them to my partner.

I want to give you an example of what I mean by that. I have wrote a couple of times about Poodle and I fighting for weeks over the color of paint on a wall and this argument is a perfect example of me not being self aware enough to know how to express myself.

Poodles house had a large loft and a mini loft. After I moved in with Poodle, he gave me the mini loft as a space to turn in my blonde bobble head makeup dream heaven. This was a room I had dreamt about for almost a decade. I had always wanted my very own room to to get ready in where I could store and organize my makeup and beauty items. After Poodle gave me the mini loft as “my space” he was truly the MVP in our relationship. He  drove me 45 minutes across town on a Saturday and spent a couple hours with me choosing the perfect furniture to fit in my mini loft makeup room. After we chose the furniture, we had a professional artist custom paint my furniture teal and ivory for my new space. Since it was going to take about 4-6 weeks to get my furniture back from being painted, I had some time to decide what color I wanted to paint the wall in the mini loft. After much thought, I had decided that I wanted a matte ivory wall with iridescent ivory polkadots on the wall in my dream space. Poodle had been such a good sport thus far, so when he came home from work one evening I was excited to tell him that I had finally decided on what I wanted the wall to look like. I informed him that I wanted to paint a polkadot wall and much to my surprise, he wasn’t nearly as excited as I was. He immediately shot down my idea and told me that since the mini loft was visible to anyone who walks up the stairs, it needed to be one solid color. I listed off several solid colors that I would like the wall to be and Poodle vetoed every single one of them. I  remember being devastated. I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. He gave me the space to do anything I wanted with… so why wouldn’t he let me paint it how I wanted it painted? After a few weeks, I think Poodle realized that he was being a little stubborn and hard on me about my choice in wall color. He sat me down and apologized for being stubborn. I apologized for being stubborn (and a big baby) as well. That day Poodle was a good sport. He drove me to Lowes and he let me choose (almost) whatever paint color for the wall that I wanted. I choose coral paint. When we got home Poodle helped me tape the baseboards and paint the wall in the mini loft so that it would be ready when my vanity, mirror, and trunk were delivered.

That silly little 5×5 foot space in Poodle’s home holds will always have meaning to me. My furniture has been gone for years and that coral wall was painted over only a few days after I moved out. That space was where I got ready for my day every single morning and where I got ready for bed every single night. It was also the place that Poodle would sneak upstairs to leave me a note before he left for work every single morning while I cleaned up breakfast. It was a really, really, REALLY cute little space.

However, no matter how cute as my mini loft makeup room was and how much meaning it held, I want to talk about what I learned from the infamous “wall color fight.”

The underlining argument between Poodle and I was NEVER about the pattern or the color of the wall. I had my vanity and my space. I didn’t care what color the wall was. However, at that point in time, I wasn’t self aware enough to understand why the wall color was such an issue to me. I had moved into Poodles home that he owned with all of the things that he had purchased. It wasn’t my home. Nothing in it was mine. (Not like I had much to my name anyway) When Poodle gifted me that little 5×5 foot mini loft in his home it was a HUGE deal to me in our relationship. Him so graciously offering me that space meant that I wasn’t just paying my boyfriend rent to live with him anymore. It meant that he saw me being there long term and he wanted me to have a space of my own in his home because he knew that was something important to me and it was something that I wanted for so long, even long before I met him. Looking back, when Poodle continued to shut down my painting ideas, I felt as if he might have been regretting his decision to give me that space. He let me have teal and ivory furniture, so why did a paint color matter? Maybe he wanted a lighter paint so it was easier to conceal if I moved out? Maybe he didn’t want polkadots in case I moved out and he couldn’t paint it right away and he didn’t want to have to explain why he had a polkadot wall? Who knows what Poodles reasoning was behind it. The point is, I didn’t know enough about myself and I wasn’t mature enough to express to Poodle my thoughts as to why his hesitations about the color of the wall were bothering me. If I had been more self aware of my feelings and emotions, I would have sat him down and had an adult conversation with him about my concerns and questions instead of sulking and being a passive aggressive little baby for several weeks.

This is just one example of a time that I look back and get frustrated with my lack of communication. I have to remind myself that at that time, I didn’t know any better. I wasn’t self aware enough to express how I was feeling to Poodle.

Investing time in learning about myself has been one of the best things I have done in my entire life. Learning my strengths and weaknesses and being self aware is not only one of the best gifts that I could ever give myself, but it will benefit all of my future relationships as well.

Since then, Poodle and I have laughed numerous times about the infamous wall fight. We both admitted we were both wrong in different ways and that it was one of the most pointless fights we ever had. Poodle would be happy to know that because of that argument, I will never, ever, EVER have a polkadot wall in my home for as long as I live.

I might, however, have a full on glitter wall. Luckily, Poodle will never have to fight with me over that one. lololol

That’s all I have for today! I hope you all had a great weekend. See you soon!

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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What makes two people compatible???

This is a question that I receive weekly from my readers. I have been hesitant to answer it because I am nowhere near qualified to answer it, but as always I am going to go ahead and answer it anyway. At this point I feel as if I have read enough books and lurked enough case studies to at least give my personal opinion as to what I think makes two people compatible.

Of course there are obvious things that make two people compatible such as attraction, having similar interests, and getting along. However, I want to talk about a few things that we don’t necessarily think about on a daily basis that are contributors to our compatibility and attraction to another person.

I think that there are two main factors that play a role in compatibility between two people, psychology as well as genetics. I believe these two things both play a role in how two people interact. As humans, we are born one way biologically but then we are raised a certain way which molds our personality. Today I went through my notes that I have taken over the past couple of years from case studies and books I have read. I reread my notes and I’m going to talk about a couple of the things that I wrote down several different times which means that they stood out to me. Looking back, I now realize that these things have all subconsciously become an important part of my life.

Personality

Communication (Intimate vs Guarded and Submissive vs Dominant)

Communication seemed to be a reoccurring topic in my notes. To be compatible with someone, you need to have solid line of open communication. You need to know when to listen and when to speak. This is important because communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship. If one person is guarded and unwilling to open up and the other person in an over-communicator, believe me, it will cause problems in your relationship. This was important for me to personally learn because for a very long time I was a horrific communicator. Communicating is still something I am working on correcting on a daily basis. When arguing with someone I would either have “word vomit” where I would spew out things I didn’t mean or things I did not think over, and then end up having to put my tail between my legs and apologize for being an idiot. After several failed attempts at relationships and a little bit of maturing, I have realized that isn’t okay to do. One of my favorite quotes of all time is “You are the master of your words until they are spoken.” It is so simple, but so true. Once you say something, you cannot take it back. It is important to choose your words wisely. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way.

In the past, if I wasn’t busy spewing word vomit, I was busy doing the complete opposite. I was completely silent. I would freeze up like a deer in headlights because I was trying to compose what I was going to say so that I wouldn’t have word vomit, but I wouldn’t know how to express my thoughts and feelings so I would stay quiet. This didn’t work in my past relationships either and unfortunately, there was no middle ground for me between these two types of communication. Luckily, I have realized that there was a massive need for improvement on my communication skills and I have been able to work on being a better communicator.

It is also important to make a valiant effort in learning how your partner communicates. Learning your partners love language will help you sort through that. One of the biggest mistakes we make in a relationships is that we love people the way that WE want to be loved. However, we all receive love in different ways. I know that might sound confusing, but I promise I will get to the five languages of love post soon and you will all understand what I am talking about.

Social vs Independent

Another thing that I mentioned several times in my notes was our need to be social as well as our need for independence and alone time. I am a very social person by nature. I love to meet and talk to new people. I can find common ground with anyone. (I just want to point out that this makes me an excellent date to an event because I will talk to anyone about anything. *wink*) However, no matter how social I may be, I very much value my alone time as well. When I was younger, I was definitely more needy in relationships than I would be at this point in my life, but I think that I have always had a pretty good grasp on the importance of my partner and I having time away from one another. I have always felt like it is important to have your own interests, hobbies, and friends when you’re in a relationship. Spending time away from someone is healthy and gives you a chance to miss each other. When Poodle and I were together we both worked full time, I had a child to take care of, and Poodle had hobbies that required practice in the evenings as well as him occasionally leaving town for tournaments so our time together was limited. Sometimes it was hard, but it was also nice to miss one another and anxiously await his return. I feel as though we both realized that our time was limited so we both valued the time we did get to spend together because we knew that it wasn’t much. This taught me how to be a better partner to someone. At the time, I didn’t work nearly as much as Poodle did, so I spent my extra time at home doing whatever little things I could think of that would make Poodles life easier. I cooked, I cleaned, and I did the laundry so that when Poodle got home from work, we could actually enjoy the 2-3 hours we had together at night instead of worrying about household chores. My appreciation for social time vs independent time has only grown as I have done some soul searching and matured.

Companion vs Compassion

Another important thing in companionship is compassion. I’ve always been a very stubborn person. (Thanks, Lance) However, the older I get the more I realize that harmony in a relationship is far more important than being right. It is human nature for people to have different opinions and points of view but sometimes, there is no point in trying to convince the other person that you are correct. Don’t get me wrong, you should absolutely stand up for what you believe in if it is important to you, but I have had countless stupid, petty, and just downright pointless fights because I was being stubborn about something that I didn’t need to be stubborn about. Sometimes confrontation is unavoidable, but keeping peace in a relationship when possible is far more important than “being right” will ever be. No one is right all of the time. Sometimes we need to bite our tongue and apologize. When you care about someone, having compassion, being sensitive in the manner that you speak to them, and really taking into consideration their feelings are very important. In a relationship, you should always consider the other persons feelings before your own.

Genetics

I believe that genetics have a lot to do with how compatible we are with someone. Have you ever dated someone and their scent could drive you insane? Or you had an undeniable attraction to them that you couldn’t explain in words if you tried? Well… I’ve felt that too. That is allllll chemistry, people. Sponsored by your genetics that you were born with an have absolutely no control over.

There are three genetic factors I have read about that I would like to discuss. They help to explain the ridiculous, mind blowing, and sometimes irrational attraction some of us might have felt towards another person.

Oxytocin

Oxytocin is the human bonding (or “love”) hormone. This hormone is commonly known for being stimulated during child birth, breastfeeding, and sex, but this hormone is also what makes us “thinkers vs listeners.” Some of us think we are listening, but in reality we aren’t because we are too busy talking. Some of us sit back and don’t speak up enough because we are too busy thinking. I believe that in order to be compatible you need to find a balance of both. Obviously if someone is strictly listening and not voicing their opinion, things are not going to work. However, a relationship is never going to work if someone is constantly talking and never listening to what the other person has to say or even giving the person an opportunity to speak.

Dopamine

This gene is the “Warrior vs Worrier” gene. A person that is the warrior is highly creative but lousy at multitasking. A person that is the worrier has a hard time dealing with anxiety but gets more pleasure out of life. I do not need a genetics test to tell me that I am a warrior. I don’t have a worry in the world no matter how terrible things get so in a relationship I need a partner that will balance me out. I need someone to worry on my behalf and bring me back to reality sometimes. Being aware whether you are a worrier or a warrior will help you and your partner find balance.

HLA System

THIS!!!! This gene family right here is what you really want to know about, people. Let me explain why. Thousands of case studies have proven that you want your partner to have a very different immune system than yours for a couple different reasons.

When two people mate and create a child together, the child takes different traits from the two parents (eye color, hair color etc.) However, the child does not only take one person’s immune system. When two people mate, the two immune systems combine and they actually create a stronger immune system. The more different your immune system is from your partners, the stronger your child’s immune system will be. Interesting… right?

Wait. It gets better. *smirk*

It is also scientifically proven that if you want to have hot, passionate, mind blowing sex for a long period of time, you should choose a partner with a different immune system than yours. That’s right. A DNA genetics test can actually predict your sexual compatibility as well as the longevity of your passionate sex life with someone. Insane, right?

If you are wondering about you and your partner’s DNA compatibility, you can order a kit that will analyze your biocompatibility, Neurocompatibility, as well as your psychological compatibility. (No. I am not getting paid to plug this, I just believe in it 150% even though I have never taken one myself.) I know you guys think I am crazy, and I am, but if this sparks your interest at all, visit InstantChemistry.com for more information. This company has incredible Doctors that specialize in analyzing your results. If any of you guys take this test and want to share your results with me, (anonymously, of course) I would LOVE it. I don’t have anyone to take a DNA test with, so I would absolutely love to live vicariously through you guys.

Okay. Hold on.

Can you guys imagine me on every single first date that I go on saying “Ummmm sir, I know we just met but I am going to need you to spit in this vile so that I can send it to a lab in Canada to see if we are genetically compatible. I will text you in 4-6 weeks to let you know the results and we can go from there.” lolololol

Also, please note that if you and your partner take this test you can also say things to your partner such as “Nice genes.” or “Damn! You look good in those genes.’

Okay. I know. I’m the worst. I’m done, I swear.

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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My thoughts on marriage

Although this blog is about random aspects of my less than mediocre dating life, for some reason I am asked questions about marriage fairly often. I receive questions such as “What are your thoughts on marriage?” “Do you believe in marriage?” and “Would you ever get married again?” Once again, I am not really qualified to write about this topic, but I’m going to go ahead and write about it anyway. Let’s be real here, the only thing I truly am qualified to write about is which Mexican restaurants in Las Vegas have the best queso. *shrugs*

I have been single for the past two years. This is the longest period of time in my life that I have been completely unattached from any sort of romantic relationship. In the past two years, I have had A LOT of time to reflect back and dissect my failed relationships.

I have to be completely honest with you guys. I am absolutely petrified of the word “marriage.”

Allow me to explain why hearing the word “marriage” makes me literally break out into hives.

Okay. Hold on.

Before I even start writing about this topic, I want to make one thing VERY clear. I do not wan’t this blog post to get twisted into me being “anti-marriage” because that isn’t true. I am not at all opposed to getting married again if the right circumstance comes along someday, but I am also completely content if I never get married again.

Now that I cleared that up I need to begin by stating that a piece of paper and a ring are NEVER going to define my views of my relationship ever again.

I repeat:

A piece of paper and a ring are NEVER going to define my views of my relationship ever again.

Let me explain what I mean by that. In my relationship with Poodle that ended over two years ago, from day one I was always pressuring him for the next step in our relationship. It didn’t matter what the “next step” was. Whether it was putting a label on our relationship, us moving in together, us purchasing a king size bed together (that Poodle received custody of in our break-up) or us getting engaged and eventually married… I always wanted more. YEP! That’s right. I was THAT annoying girlfriend. I felt as if these steps needed to happen and they needed to happen on my time. Looking back, I never fully took into consideration Poodle’s thoughts and feelings on these very important subject matters in our relationship. I often forgot that this was OUR relationship, not MY relationship. In my defense, I was not purposely negligent to Poodle’s feelings and I was in no way meaning to be disrespectful and selfish. It all came down to the fact that because of how I was raised, I really and truly did not know any better at that point in my life. I did the best with what I knew up to that time in my life and that was all I could do.

To give you a little history, I was raised in a religion where you do not date before you are 16 years old… and even then you do not go on one on one dates, you go on group dates. In this religion you do not live with someone or have ANY type of sexual relationship before you are married. I heard the phrase “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” A LOT growing up. Those are just a couple of examples of the things that were engraved in my mind my entire life growing up. I appreciate how I was raised and I value the self worth that was instilled in me because I do think it is very important to have integrity and keep some things special and sacred between two people. However, now that I am a little bit older, it makes complete sense why marriage was so important to me in my past relationships and why I felt the need to pressure for marriage. Marriage was important to me because growing up I was TOLD that marriage should be important to me.

Did you hear me?

Marriage was important to me because growing up I was TOLD that marriage should be important to me.

I was taught from a young age that a man does not deserve any part of your physical body and he only truly loves you if he asks for your hand in marriage. That became the center of my universe. If a man said he loved me and I loved him, I felt that getting married was the only thing that could justify me giving any piece of myself to a man and that marriage was the only thing that would truly validate our relationship.

For example, when Poodle and I were together, I was constantly pressuring for the next step in our relationship that would ultimately lead to marriage because in my mind, getting married was the only thing that could validate our relationship and feelings towards one another.

Now that I have had over two years to reflect back on the past, I think about the pressure that I put on Poodle during our relationship and it makes me sick. Poodle and I were happy… and I don’t just mean that we could simply tolerate each other. We were genuinely happy and in love with one another. We had fun doing anything together whether it was cooking together, running errands together, or playing a game of Yahtzee in bed together. We enjoyed each others company and found joy doing the simple day to day things with one another. Poodle and I also really did make a conscious day to day effort to remember the little things in our relationship that made the other person feel special and loved. We both tried very hard to take care of each other.

That sounds pretty great, right?

So why was that not enough?!? Why did I feel the need to constantly pressure for the next step in our relationship? Why was the love Poodle and I made an effort to show one another on a daily basis whether it were through cards we exchanged every single month on the 8th for our anniversary or text messages we sent to one another throughout the day checking in on each other because we were both genuinely concerned how the other person’s day was going not enough for me? Why was it so impossible for me to be content with how things were going? Why was I always pressuring for the next thing leading up to marriage?

Looking back, I do not understand what I thought marriage would have changed in my relationship. Sure, Poodle and I had problems but I loved him and he loved me. End.Of.Story. During our relationship, things were good between us. What did I think a ring on my finger and piece of paper documenting our love would have changed or improved? The answer is… nothing. It wouldn’t have changed or improved a single thing between us.

It has taken me 2 years, numerous mistakes, a gigantic heartbreak, and one Swiped Out blog to realize that marriage is NOT what is important to me.

You know what is important to me? Companionship.

I will never take genuine companionship for granted again. I am at a point in my life where if I make a commitment to exclusively be with someone, it really can’t get more serious than that. I’m in my thirties and I have two children. Casual, short-term relationships are not in the stars for me. Those may have been appealing to me a decade ago, but not anymore. For so many years I thought that marriage was the end and ultimate relationship goal for me, but I’ve slowly realized that it’s not. Being with someone who is my best friend, makes me laugh and smile, pays attention to the little details, is patient with me, has a caring heart, and who is trustworthy are just a few of the things that are important to me in a forever partner, not a piece of paper documenting our legal commitment to each other.

I will never again be that girl where “enough isn’t enough.” I KNOW I’m not the only one of those women out there so ladies, please learn from my mistakes. Stop texting your boyfriend pictures of engagement rings or guilt tripping him about proposing to you in front of your family because you don’t feel as though he has proposed to you in an efficient time frame. Trust me on this one. It’s not worth it.

Another hesitation I personally have about marriage is my partner or I feeling “stuck.” One of my biggest fears in life is being in a relationship and having someone wake up next to me, look over at me while I’m sleeping, and sigh. They’ll walk over to the shower and as they shampoo their hair they’ll be so miserable in our relationship that they will be contemplating how they are going to leave me when we have all of these material assets to divide and possibly children together who’s time would have to be legally split between us. I NEVER EVER want to be in a relationship where someone feels like they are obligated to be with me just because it would be too messy, embarrassing, financially binding, or difficult to leave me. I want to be in a relationship where everyday we wake up next to each other and we CHOOSE to be together. Everyday I want my relationship to be a conscious decision that my partner and I both simultaneously make because we want to be with one another… not just because a piece of paper from the state of Nevada tells us we have to stay together and if we don’t stay together then we have to go through a gruesome custody battle for our children and then fight over all of our material possessions. Break ups may be messy, but divorces are far worse.

So to answer your questions, my thoughts on marriage are it’s great if it is something you and your partner both mutually want and yes, I would get married again under the right circumstances with the right person, but I do not feel like it is necessary. I also do believe in marriage, however I believe that marriage is something that should be an afterthought of two people in love who are already in a successful and bad-ass relationship. Marriage should not just be a reason to move in with someone, be intimate with someone, or to be looked at as a necessary “step” in a relationship. I think that marriage should be something that flows naturally after years of having fun with someone and then realizing that you don’t ever want to live a day without that person because your life is so much better when they are a part of it.

xoxox,
Ally

***Sidenote: I really wish I had a picture of me on my wedding day to post with this blog, but I don’t have any photos of me on my wedding day because I was married at 1:00am wearing jeans in the middle of a parking lot of a drive thru wedding chapel (because the drive thru was already booked that night) by a large man with braids wearing a mu-mu. And no… I was not drunk. #vegas

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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“Foot fetish Ally Stagg”

Hi guys.

I am sorry for the lack of blog posts this week. I’ve had MAD writers block lately but luckily I think I’m past it and back on track.

Today I am writing this blog entry for a very specific percentage (25.1% to be exact) of my blog readers and YouTube viewers.

Every week I receive an email update from Google that includes a million different statistics for my YouTube channel as well as my WordPress blog. (You know… the one you are currently reading *smirk*) This particular email tells me information such as what countries people read my blog in, how many views I have, how many of you are male and how many of you are female, what different age groups are reading my blog and watching my YouTube channel, and how many daily readers I have. All of these different statistics help me cater my videos and blog entries to whomever is reading my blog and watching my YouTube channel. You guys might know a lot about me from reading my blog, but I know a lot about you guys too from you reading my blog. 😉 Muahahaha. Just kidding. Kind of. *wink*

Yesterday, as I was relentlessly scrolling through my weekly statistics email trying to find a cure for the writers block that has been haunting me for over a week now, I came across a new statistic that I had never caught before. This particular statistic is a list of the top five “most commonly searched terms” that people Google search to find access to my YouTube Channel and WordPress blog. The top searched terms were as follows:

  1. “Swiped Out LV” That’s the name of my YouTube channel as well as all of my social media so that makes perfect sense why it would be the number one searched term.
  2. “Swiped Out” That’s the name of my WordPress blog, so again, it makes sense why this would be a commonly searched term.
  3. “Foot fetish Ally Stagg”

WAIT… WHAT?!?!

Yes. You read that correctly. “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” was the third most popular searched term for my blog as well as my YouTube channel. It wasn’t just “foot fetish” which I could completely understand. It was “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” which is much more specific.

Not only does this particular statistics email give me the top five search terms for my WordPress blog and YouTube channel, it also tells me what percentage of my readers and YouTube channel viewers engaged with my content after they search a specific term. As of right now at this very second, 25.1% of my engaged readers and viewers searched “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” THAT’S 1/4 OF YOU GUYS READING MY BLOG AND WATCHING MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!

I’m going to be very honest with you guys. I didn’t know what this search term meant or what exactly I should do with this information. I wasn’t sure if you guys were wondering if I have a foot fetish or if 25.1% of you guys have a foot fetish and you’re curious as to what my feet look like. I had no clue what to do with this new information so I asked my best friends Jenni and Lindsey what they thought I should do and they gave me a brilliant and simple solution. Blog about it and answer all the questions I think you guys might have.

My first thought was “Are they curious to know if I have a foot fetish?” If you guys are searching “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” wondering if I have a foot fetish, the answer is… I don’t know. Maybe I do. I’ve never had anyone rub lotion all over my body with their feet and I can’t recall a time that I have shoved a toe in my mouth. However, I feel like a lot of people are on this foot fetish bandwagon so I think it is going to have to be something I try. I am very curious to know what all of the hype is about. As I’ve stated before, I’ll try anything once so who knows? Maybe I’ll be super into it and then I can blog about my foot fetish firsts (you see what I did there 😉 for all of my little foot fetish freaks (ahhhh I did it again 😉 out there. 

My second thought was “Are they curious as to what my feet look like because they have a foot fetish?” After thinking about it for a minute, I felt like a jerk because in past blogs I have wrote about my feet and in my last YouTube video I mentioned my feet, but I never showed you guys. How selfish of me. So, if you were googling “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” because you have a foot fetish and you are curious as to what my feet look like, I apologize for leaving you hanging. To make up for it, I have included a couple pictures of my feet.


I hope that one of those two things answers what 25.1% of you guys are searching for when you google “Foot fetish Ally Stagg” because I’m just trying to give you people what you want. 🙂

Oh… and just in case you guys are wondering the 4th most commonly searched term is, it’s “Ally Stagg” and the 5th most commonly searched term is “Mom blog Ally Stagg.” I know my readers are just as nosy as I am and at least one of you would ask me that as a Q and A next week. I figured I would just beat you to the punch and answer it now. lol

See you guys soon!

xoxox
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

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Ally in Wonderland

Have you ever been doing something (anything at all) paused, looked around and thought “What decisions have I made in my life that have brought me to this exact moment right here?”

That happens to me on a daily basis but recently I had one of those moments hit me pretty hard.

Several weeks ago I was reading through HUNDREDS of dating profiles on several different websites, scrolling through random internet solicitations on multiple free bulletins, and reading dozens of emails sent to me by my readers. After gathering the information, taking it all in, and collecting my thoughts, I couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with wonder on how the world of dating has evolved into what it is today. I felt like so many of the people on these online dating sites and online message boards are lost and confused. It seemed as if many of these people most likely don’t have anyone to talk to about things that are going on in their lives.

After thinking about all of the information I volunterely sought after, I felt unsettled. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. Later that evening, as I was sorting through all of the information i had taken in, it sparked a (maybe not-so) brilliant idea in my blonde bobble head.

I decided that I was going to start my own little (not-so) secret social experiment. Over the past several weeks, my (maybe not-so) brilliant idea has spiraled out of control and has taken a completely different route than I expected. Since I am absolutely insane, I’m going to go ahead and run with it.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote an anonymous ad and I threw it out into the colossal internet universe.

I want to preface this by stating that I was sure to inform everyone that I was not qualified AT ALL to give advice or answer questions, but if they wanted answers to any questions from my personal opinion or possibly just an ear to listen to them vent, I would be around. Someday, in somewhere between 7-17 years, I will actually be Dr. Ally (What? Like it’s hard?) and I will no longer have to preface EVERY SINGLE THING I say with ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about because I don’t know anything.” because I will indeed know many things and that my friends, will be a beautiful day. I have a lengthy and difficult road ahead, but I can do it. I’ve spent the past decade messing around, but I think its about time I got serious with my life and hey… if all else fails, I can always just be a stripper. I mean, I do live in Vegas and women are just sexualized objects that aren’t good for anything except making sandwiches.

Anyway… My post that I threw out into the world wide web was pretty basic and lame. It really wasn’t an impressive or intriguing post at all.

I set up an anonymous email terminal where my email as well as any responses I received would be anonymous. Then I sat back and waited for replies…. but not for very long. Within an hour, my email was FLOODED with emails from both men and women asking my advice on so many different topics. They were venting about issues in their lives and some people were just looking for someone to chat with. I had no clue that there would be so many people willing to ask for advice or wanting to vent to a complete stranger that had absolutely no qualifications to answer any of their questions or solve any of their problems. I refused to answer any questions about me and I did not ask any questions about them unless I needed to collect a little bit of background information to give them my opinion on anything they were asking me.

Today I am going to address one of the many situations I was presented with by a man I am going to call Ashton. Please accompany me on my journey down this social experiment rabbit hole that I had no idea I was spiraling down into.

Ashton responded to my anonymous ad by emailing me and telling me that he found out two weeks prior that his wife was cheating on him. He discovered some racy videos and text message conversations between his wife and another man but he had not confronted her about it yet. He shared with me that in his opinion, the man in the videos was much younger and better looking than he was. On top of feeling heartbroken and depressed, he was also feeling extremely insecure.

I want to preface what I’m going to say next by stating that I do not condone cheating in any way, shape, or form. I believe that if you aren’t ready to be faithful in a relationship or you no longer wish to be faithful to your partner then you should remove yourself from that relationship or remain single. Breakups and divorces are hard. Believe me… I know the feeling all too well. However feeling betrayed and looking like the village idiot because everyone knew about an affair your partner was having except you is far worse.

With that being said, I would like to state that happy people do not run out and cheat on their partner.

Did you hear me?

HAPPY PEOPLE DO NOT WAKE UP ONE DAY AND RUN OUT AND HAVE AN AFFAIR.

This is by no means an excuse or justification. Cheating is not okay… but happy people do not cheat. People cheat because they feel as if something is missing or lacking in their relationship.

Ashton asked me if as a woman I though that his wife left the videos in a place that he could find them because she wanted him to find out. I do not know them or their relationship, but I told him it was possible. I told him that maybe she didn’t care if he found out because she was tired of sneaking around. Maybe she left the videos for him to see as a desperate cry for attention. Maybe she wanted him to see those videos because she wanted to hurt him. Maybe she was feeling hurt by him for neglecting her and their relationship in general and she was hoping that seeing those videos would hurt him. Maybe she was sending him a message saying “If you don’t pay attention to me, other men will.” Or maybe she was just careless and left them out by mistake. Like I said… I don’t know. Any of those situations are possible.

Ashton admitted to being wrapped up with his work. Lately, he had neglected to make his wife feel like she was his number one priority. He started to place all of the blame on himself for the affair.

I told him that he cannot solely blame himself. They both had made mistakes along the way in their relationship to bring them to this place in their relationship and there are two options. They could either decided that they love each other and want to make the relationship work or they could call it quits. Only they could decide what the correct route was for them. I told him that I highly suggest seeing a couples counselor to guide them through this difficult time in their marriage to help them communicate their feelings and emotions.

On thing Ashton’s wife failed to realize is that there are ALWAYS consequences for our actions. I have personally learned this lesson time after time. Ashton’s wife having an affair broke his trust and that is something that is going to be extremely difficult for her to earn back no matter how hard she tries. Although I have never been in the same situation as Ashton, in a weird way, I could relate to many of the things he was saying. Poodle and I had more than our fair share of problems… believe me. However, there are two things that we got ridiculously right in our relationship and one of those things was trust. This was one of the most valuable lessons I learned from our relationship. Girls trip, guys trip, bachelor party, late nights out with friends… it didn’t matter. I knew without a doubt that Poodle would have never ever cheated on me and he knew I would never ever have cheated on him. Trust was always something that we agreed needed to be a priority in our relationship. This came fairly easy in our relationship because to me, Poodle was perfect. At the time, I couldn’t have drawn up a more perfect man if I tried. He gave me everything I could possibly want and need out of a partner. In a previous post I said that not even Kris Bryant or Adam Levine could have distracted me from Poodle and that was 150% true. No one on the face of this planet would have been worth losing Poodle over and more importantly no person or one night of fun was worth hurting him. I loved him. Not only did I not have the desire to cheat on him because he gave me everything I could possibly want or need, I don’t think I could have lived with myself knowing that I caused him that kind of pain. At the time, I was his safe place and he was mine. That is how things should be in a relationship, but I had never had that with anyone else before. I think you should feel that type of allegiance to your partner.

Women are crazy. I know this. You know this. We all know this. However, we as women are actually very easy to please. All we truly want is to feel appreciated and for our heart to feel safe. How we receive these things are different depending on our love language, but they all boil down to us wanting and needing the same thing. Appreciation and love. If you can provide a woman with those two things and she feels safe, I promise you that will solve approximately 97% of your communication and relationship issues. (That was a bullshit statistic that I completely made up, but you guys see my point.)

It takes two people to make a relationship work. If one person is not carrying their weight, that is when problems start to surface in relationships. Ashton needs to remember to make his wife a priority and his wife needs to learn how to communicate with him when she is feeling unappreciated as opposed to running out and having an affair. Having an open line of communication with your partner is so important. Being open to feedback, reading books, listening to one another, and even exploring couples therapy are all tools that you can use to help keep your relationship healthy as well as a priority to you both.

This is just one of hundreds of emails I received while on this little social experiment of mine. There are SO many good topics that I was gifted by anonymous strangers by posting this ad. Be sure to follow my blog to keep up with my posts as I continue my journey down the rabbit hole.

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

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Email: SwipedOutLV@gmail.com

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What girls are REALLY thinking about on a date.

Hi guys!

Here’s our next Swiped Out LV YouTube video. These are just a FEW of the things that might be going through a girl’s mind while she is on a date with you.

I have approximately 17 more college ruled pages of notes (front and back) of different thoughts that we as women have either had or might have in the future while on a date. If you guys like this video, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel. If you like it, maybe someday I’ll put some of my leftover notes to use and write a sequel to this video. Also, have no fear. I am already in the process of writing a script for “What guys are REALLY thinking about on a date.” Coming soon. 😉

I would also like to add that the caesar salad portion of this video was based on a true story. This exact scenario happened on a date that my brother Landon took his now wife Teeny (Please see my ‘The Master Negotiator’ post to learn more about my amazing sister-in-law) on. He took her out to a really nice steakhouse for dinner and she (very seriously) asked the waiter “What type of dressing comes on the caesar salad?” The waiter was beyond confused and replied… “Ummmmmmm…. that would be the caesar dressing ma’am.” She replied (again, very seriously) “Mmmm. That sounds great. I’ll have that.” Just another hilarious moment brought to us by my sister-in-law that she will never, ever live down.

Thank you guys for being patient with my lack of blogging while I learn the in’s and out’s of YouTube. It is NO JOKE you guys. Much respect for every single person who is pumping out videos or blogs because it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Between finding time to film, learning the basics of filming and editing, learning about AdWords, SEO, strategy, keyword finder, transcribing CC, I mean…. the list goes on and on… it has once again become difficult to find balance in my life. As always, thank you so much for the continued love and support! I appreciate it more than you know.

One of my upcoming blog posts is a post that has become another child to me because I have been working on it for over month now. This is also another reason I have slacked on the blog posts lately. This particular post has been very time consuming as well as emotionally draining but I can’t wait to tell you guys all about the social experiment/black hole/rabbit hole I accidentally spiraled down into. It’s pure gold.

Please watch our newest Swiped Out LV YouTube video below. I love to hear your feedback!

 

xoxox,

Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/AllysonStagg

Instagram:

Blog: @SwipedOutLV

Personal: @AllyStagg

Twitter: @SwipedOutLV

Email: SwipedOutLV@gmail.com

Snapchat: @AllyStagg

February 30th

Yes, you guys. I know that February 30th does to exist.

“February 30th” is what I call days that we think will never come.

I have had many “February 30th’s” in my life… things that were so heart breaking, sad, hurtful or horrific that I thought the day would would never come that I would not feel anything anymore.

However, for the most part, I have overcome most of the dreaded “February 30’s” in my life thus far.

One of the most critical things I have learned in the process of over coming my “February 30th’s” is that good advice is only good when you are ready for it.

So many of you write me to ask me about relationship and breakup advice. I want to preface this by stating that I am probably the least qualified person on the face of the earth to give anyone relationship advice, but I do think that people can learn from my romantic victories as well as my broken heart tragedies. We’ve all been through it, are going through it, or will go through it at some point in our life. However, in order to understand the things I am sharing with you in my blog, you must be ready, willing, and open to appreciate what I am telling you.

Two years ago, I had my therapist guiding me through my healing process and emotional journey. I had family and friends giving me advice from their different experiences in love and life. I read several amazing books and articles. I had guidance, love, and knowledge being thrown at me faster than the speed of light from hundreds of different angles.

But I wasn’t ready for any of it.

It didn’t matter what amazing advice and support was being offered to me. I needed to grieve, mourn, cry, and wallow in my pain, heartache, sadness, and sorrow at my own pace.

The day that I didn’t feel hurt, pain, and sadness from my breakup was just another day I didn’t think was possible. That day was just another “February 30th” for me. A day I thought would simply never come.

I took notes at every therapy session and I kept every book and article I read during my mourning process. Recently, I’ve gone back and reread and reviewed them all. Reading the same books and articles and reviewing the notes I took from the books and therapy had a completely different meaning in my life today the they did two years ago. I wasn’t mature enough or emotionally ready to process any of the information I was being given at the time but now I have an entirely different outlook on it. I can now appreciate and value every single thing that I was being told a couple of years ago because now I am ready to hear it. Day’s that I thought were just another “February 30th” (a day that would never come) for me have turned out to be more like a “May 1st” (a day that will always come) for me.

My point being, hang in there no matter what point you are at in your healing process. Sometimes it takes weeks. Sometimes it takes months. Sometimes it takes years.

It’s quite remarkable what a difference a year or two can make. I guess what they say is true, time does heal all wounds. Well, most of them at least.

I have come to realize that there are moments in our life that we will never, ever forget and might be “February 30’s” forever. Some may be only a couple of minutes. Some will be a day. Some may last a week. Some might carry on for an entire year.

I felt the need to write this post because this week is one of those weeks for me.

This is a week that still jolts me when it’s approaching. Things have certainly become easier over the years. Overall, I’m happy, content, and I carry on with my life as usual, but this week might always be one of the weeks that I never quite get over. Just another one of my “February 30th’s.” Then again, I have accepted and forgiven many things that I never thought I could, should, or would in this lifetime and I have ultimately found peace. Who knows.

This year, this week is still one of my “February 30th” moments, but maybe next year (or the next. Or the next) it simply won’t be anymore.

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

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Ask Ally (Q and A: Week 10)

Hi guys!

Thank you so much to anyone who watched our pilot video for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel! My little brother did a great job editing. I was all over the place with that video. Luckily I have smartened up a little bit and started writing scripts and storyboards to sort my thoughts out. Hopefully the episodes will get better over time. 😉

Yesterday I learned that only a few people want to watch and listen to me ramble on for 6 minutes, but thousands of you will read my blog daily and I honestly don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to stare at my blonde bobble head rambling on either. lol

Thank you for the continued love and support. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Once again, you guys asked me questions that I am certainly not qualified to answer, but I went ahead and answered some of them anyway. Here is this weeks Q and A. Cheers!

Q: Do you actually go on dates?

A: This made me laugh out loud because it was so cute and innocent.

Yes. I do occasionally go on dates. 

My blog started out with me writing about a date that I went on a couple days before New Years Eve. My “date” walked out on me after approximately seven seconds because he didn’t think I looked like my photographs. After that, I wrote the blog entry “Sid” to vent because between my “date” and other things going on in my life, I had an awful week. At the time I didn’t actually think people would read my blog. As it turns out, people could relate to what I had been through and have continued to read my blog so I have continued to write.

After I realized this blog was going to be more than just one entry, I thought that it would only make sense to go back two years to right after my breakup with Poodle where my healing process and dating adventures began. Although I do occasionally go on dates now, I do not always write about them immediately. Sometimes I will write about a guy (like I did with Seaman) that I went on a date with, but the rest will come later. I am slowly going in chronological order from two years and working my way up to today.

Q: What do you really do for a living?

A: I work in marketing and I write a brazen blog for your reading enjoyment. 😉

Q: Have you ever thought that maybe the reason Poodle hates you, Sid walked out on your date and Seaman put you in the friend zone is because you’re fat?

A: *sigh*

1) To whoever wrote this question, you are rude and you have very bad manners.

2) I feel like the best way for me to respond to this mean question is with a short video clip:

​​​


Q: What do you have planned for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel?

A: I really don’t have anything set in stone. I write down ideas I have throughout the day, then I write scripts based on those ideas, and then I draw storyboards of scenes that I want to film and we go from there. We film a TON of material and whatever we think translates the best from my blonde bobble head to video is what we use.

I can tell you that I get the question “Why are you single?” or “What’s wrong with you?” every single week, several times a week for my Q and A. That inspired me to write a mini series for my channel called “Reasons I am single” where I will go through one by one and list the hundreds of things that are wrong with me and the reasons I am single. I also have a few short scripts I am working on right now about different dating topics such as “What girls are actually thinking while on a date.” I would also like to occasionally do a recorded Q and A because sometimes I feel like I can’t properly express my emotions through writing. Especially when I am answering your questions about my personal experiences and feelings. Those are just a few of my ideas. What I make videos on will predominantly be based on what videos you guys are watching on my channel vs which videos you aren’t watching… once I get more than one video posted, obviously. It’s simple statistics. 🙂

Q: How do I get on your drunk dial list, girl?

A: This question made me laugh out loud too.

Just send me your phone number. It’s as simple as that.

Nobody in my contact list is safe when I’m two (+) glasses of Malbec in!!! Muahahaha

That’s all I have for today! Feel free to follow this blog, subscribe to our YouTube channel, or click on any of the links below if you would like to follow me on social media!

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/AllysonStagg

Instagram:

Blog: @SwipedOutLV

Personal: @AllyStagg

Twitter: @SwipedOutLV

Email: SwipedOutLV@gmail.com

Snapchat: @AllyStagg

 

 

Swiped Out LV YouTube Pilot

Hi guys.

Today is the launch of the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel and my debut as a video vixen! (Watch out Ariana Grande) I really hope you guys like our pilot episode because it took forever to create.

Really quickly I would like to give a huge shoutout to my little brother for being incredibly patient with me. No only did he follow me around for over a week and film hours of me ranting and acting like a total idiot, but he also filtered through all of the video footage to edit and create our pilot episode. Jace, you’re my favorite sibling this week.

Also a huge shoutout to my two adorable kids for being such good sports and letting me exploit them. They are professionals at humoring their beyond crazy mother. I love you guys.

Annnnnd a huge shoutout to Kyle (whom I don’t even know) for allowing me to randomly interrupt his game of frisbee golf with his friends so that I could fake break up with him and give him the “It’s not you. It’s me speech.” You the real MVP, Kyle.

I know that literally no one cares about me or anything that I have to say, but I went ahead and made a video anyway. So without further ado, here is the pilot episode for the Swiped Out LV YouTube channel.

If you guys like the pilot episode, be sure to hit the “thumbs up” button and subscribe to my channel so that you will get notifications when I post new videos!

As always, thank you for all the love and support!!

xoxox,
Ally

PS If you click the “Follow” button on my home page, it will prompt you for your email address. By submitting it, you will receive an email each time I post a blog entry. Your email address will never be sold to a third party and the only emails you will ever receive from me are updates each time I post a blog entry. 😉

Follow me!

Facebook:

Blog: https://www.facebook.com/SwipedOutLV/

Personal: https://www.facebook.com/AllysonStagg

Instagram:

Blog: @SwipedOutLV

Personal: @AllyStagg

Twitter: @SwipedOutLV

Email: SwipedOutLV@gmail.com